scene 1 - Olivia's Garden
Open with Feste playing the tabor onstage (A2S5 set -
Olivia's garden). Walks down steps towards downstage alley.
Enter Viola (Cesario) from long sunset walkway.
Feste and Viola meet at downstage alley.
Viola (cesario)
Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live by thy tabor?
feste
No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Art thou a churchman?
FESTE
No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I do live
at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
So thou mayst say the king lies by a beggar if a beggar dwell
near him, or the church stands by thy tabor if thy tabor stand by the church.
FESTE
You have said so, sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a
cheverel glove to a good wit:
Feste takes out his cheverel glove, makes a slapping motion
at Viola, then turns it inside out, while saying:
FESTE
How quickly the wrong side may be turned outward.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(acquiescing, with good nature humor)
Nay, that's certain. They that dally nicely with words may
quickly make them wanton.
feste
I would therefore my sister had had no name, sir.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Why, man?
FESTE
Why, sir, her name's a word, and to dally with that word
might make my sister wanton. But indeed words are very rascals, since bonds
disgraced them.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Thy reason, man?
feste
Troth sir, I can yield you none without words, and words are
grown so false I am loath to prove reason with them.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I warrant thou art a merry fellow, and car'st for nothing.
FESTE
Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my conscience,
sir, I do not care for you. If that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it
would make you invisible.
Feste turns to leave, towards center door.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?
FESTE
(slowly turning around)
No indeed, sir, the Lady Olivia has no folly. She will keep
no fool, sir, till she be married, and fools are as like husbands as pilchards
are to herrings - the husband's the bigger. I am indeed not her fool, but her
corrupter of words.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
feste
Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun it shines
everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft with your
master as with my mistress. I think I saw your wisdom there.
Viola approaches Feste, ascends steps.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee. Hold,
there's expenses for thee.
(Gives coin)
FESTE
Now jove in his next commodity of hair send thee a beard.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
By my troth I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for one, though
I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy lady within?
Feste throws coin in air.
feste
Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Yes, being kept together and put to use.
FESTE
I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a
Cressida to this Troilus.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I understand you, sir, 'tis well begged.
(Gives coin)
FESTE
The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar:
Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir. I will conster to them whence
you come. Who you are and what you would are out of my welkin. I might say
'element', but the word is overworn.
Feste exits center door.
Viola descends steps again, downstage alley.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool, / And to do that
well craves a kind of wit. / He must observe their mood on whom he jests, / The
quality of persons and the time, / And, like the haggard, check at every
feather / That comes before his eye. This is a practice / As full of labour as
a wise man's art; / For folly that he wisely shows is fit, / But wise men,
folly-fallen, quite taint their wit.
Enter Toby and Andrew from "Gates of Tarter"
sir toby
Save you, gentleman.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
And you, sir.
SIR Andrew
Die - ooo voose gar - dey, mon - sir.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(pause - uh...)
Et vous aussi; votre
serviteur.
SIR ANDREW
I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.
Sir Andrew, curiously, exits center door. We see, however,
peephole eyes brighten up in adjacent cracks.
SIR TOBY
(looking at Viola's legs)
Will you encounter the house? My niece is desirous you should enter if your trade be
to her.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I am bound to your niece, sir - I mean, she is the list of my
voyage.
SIR TOBY
(as if noticing her feminine legs, but too drunk to
realize the significance)
Taste your legs, sir, put them to motion.
Toby makes a motion of looking at Viola's legs.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(backs away a bit)
My legs do better understand me, sir, than I understand what
you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
Toby goes towards Viola.
SIR TOBY
I mean to go, sir, to enter.
Viola escapes Toby.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I will answer you with gait and entrance.
Enter Maria and Olivia, center door.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
But we are prevented.
(faces Olivia)
Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odours on
you.
SIR toby
(aside, to crack of glowing eyes - Andrew peepers)
That youth's a rare courtier; 'rain odours' well!
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(glances briefly at Maria)
My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own most pregnant
and vouchsafed ear.
SIR TOBY
(announces, "on behalf of Andrew")
'Odours', 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed' - My sweet Sir Andrew
shalt get 'em all three all ready!
olivia
Let the garden door be shut and leave me to my hearing.
Exeunt all but Olivia and Viola.
OLIVIA
Give me your hand, sir.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(exaggerated bow, kiss of hand)
My duty, madam, and must humble service.
olivia
What is your name?
VIOLA (CESARIO)
Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.
OLIVIA
My servant, sir? 'Twas never merry world / Since lowly
feigning was called compliment. / You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours. / Your
servant's servant is your servant, madam.
OLIVIA
For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts, / Would they
were blanks rather than filled with me.
VIOLA (Cesario)
Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts / On his behalf.
OLIVIA
(immediately)
O by your leave, I pray you; / I bade you never speak again
of him. / But would you undertake another suit, / I had rather hear you to
solicit that / Than music from the spheres.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(immediately)
Dear lady -
OLIVIA
Give me leave, beseech you. I did send, / After the late
enchantment you did here, / A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse / Myself, my
servant and, I fear me, you. / Under your hard construction must I sit, / To
force that on you in a shameful cunning / Which you knew none of yours. What
might you think? / Have you not set mine honour at the stake / And baited it
with all th'unmuzzeld thoughts / That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your
receiving / Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom, / hides my heart. So let
me hear you speak.
VIOla
(pause)
I pity you.
OLIVIA
(immediately)
That's a degree to love!
VIOLA
No, not a grize, for 'tis a vulgar proof / That very oft we
pity enemies.
OLIVIA
Why then, methinks 'tis time to smile again. / O world, how
apt the poor are to be proud! / If one should be a prey, how much the better /
To fall before the lion than the wolf!
Clock strikes
OLIVIA
The clock upbraids me with the waste of time. / Be not
afraid, good youth, I will not have you, / And yet when wit and youth is come
to harvest, / Your wife is alike to reap a proper man. / There lies your way,
due west.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(immediately)
Then westward ho. / Grace and good disposition attend your
ladyship. / You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
OLIVIA
Stay...
OLIVIA
I prithee tell me what thou think'st of me.
VIOLA
That you do think you are not what you are.
OLIVIA
If I think so, I think the same of you.
viola
Then think you right: I am not what I am.
OLIVIA
I would you were as I would have you be.
viola
Would it be better, madam, than I am? / I wish it might, for
now I am your fool.
OLIVIA
O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful / In the contempt and
anger of his lip. / A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon / Than love
that would seem hid. Love's night is noon. / -- Cesario, by the roses of the
spring, / By maidhood, honour, truth and everything, / I love thee so that
maugre all thy pride / Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide. / Do not extort
thy reasons from this clause: / For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause. /
But rather reason thus with reason fetter: / Love sought is good, but given
unsought is better.
VIOLA
By innocence I swear, and by my youth, / I have one heart,
one bosom and one truth, / And that no woman has, nor never none / Shall
mistress be of it save I alone. / And so adieu, good madam; never more / Will I
my master's tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA
Yet come again, for thou perhaps mayst move / That heart
which now abhors to like his love.
scene 2 - 3.5 set
Andrew, with his baggage, about to go out of Olivia's door.
andrew
No, faith, I'll not stay a jot longer.
toby
Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.
FABIAN
You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.
ANDREW
Marry, I saw your niece do more favours to the count's
servingman than ever she bestowed upon me. I saw't i'th' orchard.
Toby goes over and unloads Andrew's baggage.
toby
Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me that.
andrew
As plain as I see you now.
fabian
This was a great argument of love in her toward you.
andrew
(makes a grab for luggage)
'Slight! Will you make an ass o'me?
FABIAN
I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment
and reason.
TOBY
And they have been grand-jurymen since before Noah was a
sailor...
Toby and Fabian begin pushing Andrew downstairs..
FABIAN
She did show favour to the youth in your sight only to
exasperate you, to awaken your dormouse valour, to put fire in your heart and
brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her and, with some
excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into
dumbness. This was looked for at your hand and this was balked. The double gilt
of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sailed into the
north of my lady's opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman's
beard, unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt either of valour or
policy.
andrew
An't be any way, it must be with valour, for policy I hate. I
had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.
TOBY
Why then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valour.
Challenge me the count's youth to fight with him. Hurt him in eleven places -
my niece shall take note of it. And assure thyself there is no love-broker in
the world can more prevail in man's commendation with woman than report of
valour.
FABIAN
There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
ANDREW
Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
TOBY
Go write it in a martial hand, be curst and brief. It is no
matter how witty, so it be eloquent and full of invention. Taunt him with the
license of ink. If thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as
many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough
for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down. Go, about it. Let there be gall
enough in thy ink - though thou write with a goose-pen, no matter. About it.
ANDREW
Where shall I find you?
TOBY
(mysteriously)
We'll call thee at a cubicuulo. Go.
Exit Andrew through servant's door downstairs.
FABIAN
This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.
TOBY
I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand strong or so.
FABIAN
We shall have a rare letter from him; but you'll not
deliver't?
TOBY
Never trust me then; and by all means stir on the youth to an
answer. I think oxen and wain-ropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if
he were opened and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of
a flea, I'll eat the rest of th'anatomy.
FABIAN
And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage no great
presage of cruelty.
Enter Maria
TOBY
Look where the youngest wren of nine comes.
MARIA
If you desire the spleen, and will laugh yourselves into
stitches, follow me. Yon gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegado, for
there is no Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly can ever
believe such impossible passages of grossness. He's in yellow stockings.
TOBY
And cross-gartered?
maria
Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a school i'th'
church. I have dogged him like his murderer. He does obey every point of the
letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more lines
than is in the new map with the augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen
such a thing as 'tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at him; I know my
lady will strike him. If she do, he'll smile and take't for a great favour.
TOBY
Come, bring us, bring us where he is.
Exeunt.
scene 3 - outside olivia's back alley
(1.3 set, door closed, with sidestage stairs)
sebastian
I would not by my will have troubled you, / But since you
make your pleasure of your pains / I will no further chide you.
ANTONIO
I could not stay behind you. My desire, / More sharp than
filed steel, did spur me forth, / And not all love to see you - though so much
/ As might have drawn me to a longer voyage - / But jealousy what might befall
your travel -- / Being skill-less in these parts, which to a stranger, /
Unguided and unfriended, often prove / Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,
/
The rather by these arguments of fear, / Set forth in your pursuit.
SEBASTIAN
(immediately)
My kind Antonio, / I can no other answer make but thanks, /
And thanks, and ever thanks; and oft good turns / Are shuffled off with such
uncurrent pay. / But were my worth as is my conscience firm, / You should find
better dealing. What's to do? / Shall we go see the relics of this town?
ANTONIO
Tomorrow, sir; best first go see your lodging.
SEBASTIAN
I am not weary, and 'tis long to night. / I pray you, let us
satisfy our eyes / With the memorials and the things of fame / That do renown
this city.
ANTONIO
(immediately)
Would you'd pardon me. / Id o not without danger walk these
streets. / Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the count his galleys / I did some
service, of such note indeed / That were I ta'en here it would scarce be
answered.
sebastian
Belike you slew great number of his people?
ANTONIO
the'offence is not of such a bloody nature, / Albeit the
quality of the time and quarrel / Might well have given us bloody argument. /
It might have since been answered in repaying / What we took from them, which
for traffic's sake / Most of our city did. Only myself stood out, / For which
if I be lapsed in this place / I shall pay dear.
SEBASTIAN
Do not then walk too open...
antonio
It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here's my purse. / In the
south suburbs, at the Elephant, / Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet /
Whiles you beguile the time and feed your knwoledge / With viewing of the town.
There shall you have me.
sebastian
Why I your purse?
ANTONIO
Haply your eye shall light upon some toy / You have desire to
purchase; and your store, / I think, is not for idle markets, sir.
SEBASTIAN
I'll be your purse-bearer, and leave you for an hour.
ANTONIO
To th'Elephant.
SEBASTIAN
(immediately)
I do remember.
Antonio collapses to rest in the rubble next to Olivia's back
lot, while Sebastian goes off side stairs.
Scene 4A - Olivia/maria
A rotating set. Half Olivia's House interior anteroom-ish,
half the grand entrance in the city.
INT: Olivia walks up steps SR. Maria trails
OLIVIA
I have sent after him; he says he'll come. / How shall I
feast him? What bestow of him? / For youth is bought more oft than begged or
borrowed. / (Soft...) I speak to loud.
(turns to Maria)
Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil, / And suits well for a
servant with my fortunes. / Where is Malvolio?
maria
He's coming, madam, but in a very strange manner. He is sure
possessed, madam.
OLIVIA
Why, what's the matter? Does he rave?
MARIA
No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your ladyship were best
to have some guard about you if he come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits.
OLIVIA
Go call him hither -
Scene 4B - olivia, malvolio, Maria
Exit Maria, who "runs into" Malvolio, entering from EXT.
OLIVIA
(immediately - beseeching audience)
I am as mad as he, / If sad and merry madness equal be.
(turns around, facing Malvolio)
How now, Malvolio?
malvolio
Sweet lady, ho, ho!
(blows a kiss)
OLIVIA
Smil'st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO
Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make some obstruction in
the blood, this cross-gartering, but what of that? If it please the eye of one,
it is with me as the very true sonnet is: 'Please one, and please all.'
(blows a kiss)
OLIVIA
Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come
to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think we do know the sweet
Roman hand.
OLIVIA
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
To bed? Ay, sweetheart, and I'll come to thee.
(blows a kiss)
OLIVIA
God comfort thee. Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so
oft?
MARIA
(finally caught up in her wits - Malvolio appeared all
too suddenly)
How do you, Malvoio?
MALVOLIO
(disdain, clearly a master to a servant:)
At your request? Yes, nightingales answer daws.
maria
(indignantly, but with a twinkle of knowing goading)
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
Malvolio begins his advances towards Olivia - forcing her
into stage right, eventually having to descend downstairs to lower levels of
house.
MALVOLIO
'Be not afraid of greatness' - 'twas well writ.
OLIVIA
What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
'Some are born great' -
OLIVIA
Ha?
MALVOLIO
'Some achieve greatness' -
OLIVIA
Why sayst thou?
Malvolio now at INT balcony, with Olivia below, looking up.
MALVOLIO
(thrust of hands)
'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
OLIVIA
(flabberghasted)
Heaven restore thee!
MALVOLIO
'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings' -
OLIVIA
Thy yellow stockings?
MALVOLIO
'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'
(raises feet)
OLIVIA
(outraged! She hates 'em)
Cross-gartered?
MALVOLIO
'Go to, thou art made if thou desir'st to be so.'
OLIVIA
Am I made?
MALVOLIO
'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
Malvolio beams. Limelight of sunrays literally on him.
OLIVIA
Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Enter Servant, INT downstairs door
SERvant
Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is returned.
I could hardly entreat him back. He attends your ladyship's pleasure.
OLIVIA
I'll come to him.
Exit Servant, same door.
OLIVIA
Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my cousin
Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him; I would not have him
miscarry for the half of my dowry.
Olivia follows servant out. Maria wanders about INT, avoiding
Malvolio's direct gaze, but snickering - eavesdropping on Malvolio, who
believes he's alone.
Malvolio makes his way down the stairs, while ruminating with
his ego bare naked. INT downstairs by end. Maria INT upstairs by end.
MALVOLIO
O ho, do you come near me now? No worse man than Sir Toby to
look to me! This concurs directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose
that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites me to that in the letter.
'Cast thy humble slough,' says she, 'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with
servants. Let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put thyself into the
trick of singularity', and consequently sets down the manner how, as a sad
face,
a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note and so
forth. I have limed her, but it is Jove's doing and Jove make me thankful! And
when she went away now, 'Let this fellow be looked to.' 'Fellow', not
'Malvolio', nor after my degree, but 'fellow'! Why, everything adheres together
that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
or unsafe circumstance - what can be said? - nothing that can be can come
between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of
this, and he is to be thanked.
Malvolio collapses on a fainting couch, the picturesque faux
aristocrat.
scene 4c - toby, fabian, maria, malvolio
Enter Toby, Fabian from upstairs INT door. Maria leads them
downstairs to Malvolio.
SIR TOBY
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils
of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to
him.
FABIAN
(gathering above Malvolio's fainting couch)
Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir? ... How is't
with you, man?
MALVOLIO
Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my private-- go off!
MARIA
(feigning, big time - she never told Toby this of her
lady, but all three of them are in on the dupe from the start)
Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him. Did not I tell
you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.
MALVOLIO
Aha! Does she so?
SIR TOBY
(pushes Maria away)
Go to, go to. Peace, peace, we must deal gently with him.
sir toby
Let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? How is't with you? What
man, defy the devil! Consider he's an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO
Do you know what you say?
Maria
(bustles back)
La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at
heart. Pray God he not be bewitched.
FABIAN
Carry his water to th'wise woman.
MARIA
Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning, if I live. My
lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.
MALVOLIO
How now, mistress?
MAria
O Lord!
SIR TOBY
(pushes Maria away)
Prithee hold thy peace, this is not the way. Do you not see you move him? Let me alone with him.
FABIAN
No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The fiend is rough,
and will not be roughly used.
On impulse, Toby pushes Fabian away downstage, at edge of
invis wall. Toby bustles over Malvolio, turns burlesque.
SIR TOBY
Why how now, my bawcock? How dost thou, chuck?
MALVOLIO
Sir!
SIR TOBY
Ay, biddy, come with me. What, man, 'tis not for gravity to
play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him, foul collier!
maria
Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
MALVOLIO
My prayers, minx?
MARIA
No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO
Go hang yourselves, all. You are idle shallow things; I am
not of your element. You shall know more hereafter.
Exit Malvolio, INT servant's door.
scene 4d - Toby, fabian, maria, andrew
SIR TOBY
Is't possible?
fabian
(turns towards audience, conveniently the one farthest
downstage)
If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as
an improbable fiction.
Fabian then proceeds to sit down to the small banquet table
set for one.
sir toby
His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
maria
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
fabian
(waving a fork in the air)
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
maria
The house will be the quieter.
sir toby
Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is
already in the belief that he's mad. We may carry it thus for our pleasure and
his penance till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy
on him; at which time we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
finder of madmen.
Enter Sir Andrew from servant's door - with a letter.
SIR TOBY
But see, but see...
FABIAN
More matter for a May morning.
SIR ANDREW
Here's the challenge, read it.
Sir Andrew hands it to Fabian.
SIR ANDREW
I warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't.
Fabian ignores the letter.
FABIAN
(fumbling with Tabasco sauce on his eggs)
Is't so saucy?
SIR ANDREW
Ay, is't, I warrant him. Do but read.
SIR TOBY
(snatches letter)
Give me... "Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy
fellow."
FABIAN
(wipes napkin around mouth)
Good and valiant.
SIR TOBY
"Wonder not nor admire not in thy mind why I do call thee so,
for I will show thee no reason for't."
FABIAN
A good note, that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY
"Thou com'st to the Lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses
thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge
thee for."
FABIAN
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense-
(aside)
less
SIR TOBY
"I will waylay thee going home, where if it be thy chance to
kill me -
FABIAN
Good!
SIR TOBY
"Thou kill'st me like a rogue and a villain."
FAbian
Still you keep o'th' windy side of the law - good.
sir toby
"Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our souls. He
may have mercy upon mine, but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
friend as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, Andrew Aguecheek" If this letter
move him not, his legs cannot. I'll give't him.
maria
You may have very fit occasion for't. He is now in some
commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
Toby pushes Andrew upstairs, then out of INT main door.
Fabian and Maria follow.
SIR TOBY
Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner of the orchard
like a bumbaily. So soon as ever thou seest him, draw and, as thou draw'st,
swear horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever
proof itself would have earned him. Away!
Scene rotates to EXT.
SIR ANDREW
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Andrew walks off.
SIR TOBY
Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behaviour of the
young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding. His
employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore this
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth. He
will find it comes from a clod-pole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour and drive the
gentleman - as I know his youth will aptly receive it - into a most hideous
opinion of rage, skill, fury, and impetuousity. This will so fright them both
that they will kill one another by the look, like...
A chameleon jumps onto the mythical lion statues guarding
entrance of Olivia's house.
sir TOBY
Cockatrices!
Olivia and Viola enter through another door on another level
INT.
fabian
(from within)
Here comes your niece. Give them way till he takes leave, and
presently after him.
sir toby
I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a
challenge.
The trio head off the other way from Andrew.
scene 4e - olivia/viola
Olivia and Viola appear at doorway.
olivia
I have said too much unto a heart of stone / And laid mine
honour too unchary on't. / There's something in me that reproves my fault, /
But such a headstrong potent fault it is / That it but mocks reproof.
viola
With the same haviour that your passion bears / Goes on my
master's griefs.
olivia
Here, wear this jewel for me: 'tis my picture. / Refuse it
not, it hath no tongue to vex you; / And I beseech you come again tomorrow. /
What shall you ask of me that I'll deny / That honour saved may upon asking
give?
viola
Nothing but this: your true love for my master.
olivia
How with mine honour may I give him that / Which I have given
to you?
viola
(immediately)
I will acquit you.
Viola walks off street, SL, not totally off audience view.
olivia
Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well. / A fiend like
thee might bear my soul to hell.
Olivia disappears INT.
scene 4f - toby, fabian, viola
Toby and Fabian enters SL, intersects Viola
SIR TOBY
Gentleman, God save thee.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
And you, sir.
sir toby
That defence thou hast, betake thee to'it. Of what nature the
wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not, but thy intercepter, full of
despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount thy
tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilfull and
deadly.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me. My
remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man.
sir toby
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if you
hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard, for your opposite hath
in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I pray you, sir, what is he?
SIR TOBY
He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet
consideration, but he is a devil in private brawl. Souls and bodies hath he
divorce three, and his incensement at this moment is so implacable that
satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. 'Hob-nob' is his
word: give't or take't
VIOLA
I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of
the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put
quarrels purposely on others to taste their valour. Belike this is a man of
that quirk.
sir toby
Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very
competent injury, therefore get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall
not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety
you might answer him. Therefore on, or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle
you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you do me this
courteous office as to know of the knight what my offence to him is. Is it
something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.
SIR TOBY
I will do so. Signor Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till
my return.
viola
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
fabian
I know the knight is incensed against you even to a mortal
arbitrament, but nothing of the circumstance more.
viola
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN
Nothing of that wonderful promise to read him by his form as
you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is indeed, sir, the
most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in
any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him, I will make your peace with
him - if I can.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
I shall be much bound to you for't. I am one that had rather
go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight. I care not who knows so much of my mettle.
Viola walks off. Fabian trails after. Toby enters house INT
Set rotates.
scene 4G - Toby/Andrew
INT, Toby and Andrew thru servant's door
sir Toby
Why, man, he's a very devil. I have not seen such a firago. I
had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and all, and he gives me the stuck in
with such a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays
you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been
fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW
Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY
Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can scarce hold
him yonder.
SIR ANDREW
Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant, and so cunning
in fence, I'd have seen him damned ere I'd have challenged him. Let him let the
matter slip and I'll give him my horse, grey Capulet
SIR TOBY
I'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good show on't. This
shall end without the perdition of souls.
SIR TOBY
(aside)
Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
scene 4h - toby, fabian, andrew, viola
Enter Fabian and Viola
SIR TOBY
(to Fabian)
I have his horse to take up the quarrel. I have persuaded him
the youth's a devil.
FABIAN
(to Toby)
He is as horribly conceited of him, and pants and looks pale
as if a bear were at his heels.
SIR TOBY
(to Viola)
There's no remedy, sir, he will fight with you for's oath'
sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel and he finds that now
scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore draw for the supportance of his vow.
He protests he will not hurt you.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(turns away - to audience)
Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them
how much I lack of a man.
FABIAN
(aside to Andrew)
Give ground if you see him furious.
SIR TOBY
Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy. The gentleman will for
his honour's sake have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello avoid it. But
he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you.
Come on, to't.
SIR ANDREW
(aside)
Pray God he keep his oath!
scene 4i - toby, fabian, andrew, viola,
antonio
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(to Andrew)
I do assure you 'tis against my will.
They both draw swords.
antonio
(draws sword)
If this young gentleman / Have done offence, I take the fault
on me. / If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY
You, sir? Why, what are you?
ANTONIO
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more. / Than you
have heard him brag to you he will.
SIR TOBY
(draws sword)
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
Enter Officers
FABIAN
O good Sir Toby, hold. Here come the officers.
sir toby
(to Antonio)
I'll be with you anon.
VIOLA (CESARIO)
(to Andrew)
Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW
Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised you I'll be as
good as my word. He will beat you easily, and reins well.
officer 1
(points sword at Antonio)
This is the man; do thy office.
officer 2
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit / Of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO
(immediately)
You mistake me, sir.
OFFICER 1
No, sir, no jot. I know your favour well, / Though now you
have no sea-cap on your head.
(to Officer 2)
Take him away; he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO
(to Viola)
I must obey. This comes with seeking you. / But there's no
remedy; I shall answer it. / What will you do now my necessity / Makes me to
ask you for my purse? It grieves me / Much more for what I cannot do for you /
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed, / But be of comfort.
OFFICER 2
Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO
(to Viola)
I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA
What money, sir?
VIOLA
(pauses)
For the fair kindness you have showed me here, / And part
being prompted by your present trouble, / Out of my lean and low ability / I'll
lend you something. My having is not much. / I'll make diversion of my present
with you.
VIOLA
(offering money)
Hold, there's half my coffer.
ANTONIO
(immediately)
Will you deny me now? / Is't possible that my deserts to you
/ Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery, / Lest that it make me so
unsound a man / As to upbraid you with those kindnesses / That I have done for
you.
VIOLA
(immediately)
I know of none, / Nor know I you by voice or any feature. / I
hate ingratitude more than in a man / Than lying vainness, babbling drunkenness
/ Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption / Inhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO
(immediately)
O heavens themselves!
OFFICER 2
Come, sir, I pray you go.
antonio
Let me speak a little. The youth that you see here / I
snatched one half out of the jaws of death, / Relieved him with such
sanctity of love, / And to his image, which methought did promise / Most
venerable worth, did I devotion.
OFFICER 1
What's that to us? Time time goes by. Away!
ANTONIO
But O, how vile an idol proves this god! / Thou hast,
Sebastian, done good feature shame. / In nature there's no blemish but the
mind: / None can be called deformed but the unkind. / Virtue is beauty, but the
beauteous evil / Are empty trunks o'erflourished by the devil.
OFFICER 1
The man grows mad, away with him. Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO
(offering his hands)
Lead me on.
VIOLA
(aside)
Methinks his words do from such passion fly/ That he believes
himself. So do not I. / Prove true, imagination, O prove true! / That I, dear
brother, be now ta'en for you!
sir toby
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We'll whisper o'er
a couplet or two of most sage saws.
Fabian, Andrew gather around Toby
VIOLA
He named Sebastian. I my brother know / Yet living in my
glass. Even such and so / In favour was my brother, and he went / Still in this
fashion, colour, ornament, / For him I imitate. O, if it prove, / Tempests are
kind, and salt waves fresh in love!
Exit SL
sir toby
A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare.
His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him;
and, for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
sir Andrew
'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
sir toby
Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
SIR ANDREW
An I do not -
Exit SL, pursuing Viola.
fabian
Come, let's see the event.
SIR TOBY
I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
Exit SL, duo pursuing the duo.